In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
