I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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