'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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