oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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