I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
