I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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