you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
