Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dignity is for republicans.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
