My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
