remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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