we're making bets on your personal life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
