Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
