Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
