obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize