My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize