where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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