So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I want a musical about memes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
