My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
