I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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