Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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