uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize