i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
