I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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