Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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