yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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