the condom got lost in my hair
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
