I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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