just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
