he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
