All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
