its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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