Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
