I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
