what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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