I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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