I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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