i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
