when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You ruined the universe
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
