idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
