I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
