The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
