nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
