One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
