Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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