Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
