How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
