I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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