just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
