So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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