Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
