guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
