I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
