The maid of honor just puked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
