He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
