Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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