youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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