fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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