if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
