i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize