my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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