I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
operation have a gay friend backfired
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
