I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize