I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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