Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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