Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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