He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
