I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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