You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize